


Won't You Let Me Go Down in my Dreams

by lucy_in_the_sky



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Big!Steve, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Developing Relationship, Happy Ending, Little!Bucky - Freeform, M/M, Non-Sexual Age Play, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Protective Steve Rogers, Soft Bucky Barnes, Surprise! - Freeform, Unrequited Love, but when all parties involved are adults, littlespace, slight sexy times
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-13
Updated: 2019-12-13
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:09:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21782716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucy_in_the_sky/pseuds/lucy_in_the_sky
Summary: Bucky, to cope with his depression and the stress of too much engineering homework, likes to be little. No one knows about his littlespace, and he intends to keep it that way, no matter how much he dislikes keeping secrets from his best friend, Steve. But as the semester winds down and his stress skyrockets, he struggles to hide this side of himself.-Steve finds out about Bucky's little status. This is their story :)
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 8
Kudos: 210





	Won't You Let Me Go Down in my Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> Title comes from "Sweet Baby James" by James Taylor.
> 
> Rating is due to slightly heated scene at the end.
> 
> Enjoy :)

To put it lightly, Bucky was stressed.

He'd barely gotten any sleep during midterms week, staying in the library each night until an equally sleep deprived student working there kicked him out when the building closed at 2 am. 

He'd had several stressful meetings with two different professors about his progress in the civil engineering department this far in his education. They wanted to know about his plans for after college, what he was doing this summer to prepare for senior year, and other god awful questions that a man running only on caffeine and the fear of failure could not answer.

He and Steve were in art history together this semester, Bucky waiting until a little too long before starting to knock out his required fine arts credits and Steve willing to take an intro level course in his department just to be in a class with Bucky. They had booked a study room the night before their midterm and had studied for five hours without a break.

All in all, Bucky had taken five exams last week: art history, computational methods in civil engineering, earthquake engineering, the upper division math class the school made all engineering students take, and contemporary Mexican literature. 

And now?

Now, Bucky was tired as hell.

He trudged back to his dorm (yes, he was a junior and he still lives in the dorms, sue him) after his 4:00 pm Mexican Lit exam with bleary eyes and slightly jittery hands because he'd thrown back three large iced coffees instead of breakfast. Oh, and also lunch. He should probably eat something.

He was proud of himself when he dropped his keys only twice instead of four times like earlier that day.

When safely inside the (thankfully) empty room, Bucky threw his backpack on his desk and threw his body face down on his bed. It took him longer than he’d like to admit, but he determined that it was Friday (oh, right, the day of his last midterm, right, yeah) meaning he had at least three hours before his roommate came back.

He peeled himself off the bed and started changing into a pair of fleece pajama bottoms and a cozy sweater he’d bought for occasions just like these. 

His headspace was creeping up fast so he quickly grabbed a handful of his kid friendly snacks (no hard-to-open packages, no sharp corners on boxes, not too much sugar so he doesn’t crash later) and dug behind his dresser for his favorite toy, a stuffed animal bunny named Peaches.

Bucky flopped down onto his bed, blinked hard a couple times, yawned, then fell fully into littlespace. 

He looked over at the bookshelf serving as his headboard and let out a squeal of delight at the sight of fruit snacks he’d grabbed from the snack drawer. 

Taking a package, he tugged the scissor slit Big Bucky had exaggerated upon buying the snacks and threw a couple Scooby Doo themed fruit snacks in his mouth.

He grabbed Peaches and his most softest blanket and curled into a ball, planning on finishing the snack then taking a well deserved nap.

―

You see, Bucky had this one understanding with himself. 

He knew that his depression took a lot out of him.

So he adapted and he consequently formed this one understanding with himself.

Bucky tried to not feel weak whenever he needed to do this, he tried to just take a deep breath, close his eyes, and let him have this one thing, just this one thing.

Because when Bucky realized his depression took a lot out of him and then he developed this one understanding with himself, he liked to regress. Sort of. He liked to curl up in his softest blankets on his tiny, twin-sized, classic dorm-room bed, and forget that he was an adult with responsibilities and stress and too much engineering homework.

He sometimes put on a movie (usually Disney but he also liked to browse Netflix’s kids section to find a new flick to watch), sometimes played with his stuffed animals that he kept hidden behind his closet, sometimes colored pictures with his yummy smelling markers, and sometimes just napped.

No one knew about it. 

He and his roommate, Scott, were close (obviously not close enough to share this secret) so they knew each other’s schedules; when they were in class, when they had intramurals or various clubs, when they were out with friends. So Bucky strategically planned out when it was safe to let himself indulge in this one understanding with himself.

None of his closest friends knew about it. 

Clint and Natasha knew he had depression, probably assumed he had some sort of special routine to calm himself down when he got overwhelmed or to comfort himself when he needed a break. But he could guarantee that they didn’t know about his obsession with acting little. 

He had entertained the thought of telling Natasha. She probably wouldn't laugh at him, automatically thinking he was bullshitting her like Clint definitely would. 

She'd probably be weirded out at first but eventually be cool with it. Maybe?

Well, doesn't matter anyways, telling her wouldn't do anything. So he'd decided not to. 

And he kept it that way.

He didn't really feel all that bad about keeping this little (pun _very much_ intended) secret from the pair. It wasn't like he needed to constantly lie to their faces about it.

(Not that he'd be successful at that, either, he's pretty sure Natasha was a goddamn spy in a past life.)

However, he did feel bad about lying to Steve.

They had been best friends since starting middle school when Bucky moved to town with his family. The punk accidentally punched Bucky square in the nose when he had tried to intervene in one of Steve’s apparently routine fights with one of the ever present schoolyard bullies. But an awkward handshake, some ice, and a rushed apology led to a life-long friendship.

Fun Fact:  Bucky had also been harboring a secret crush on him for almost as long. Isn’t that how it always goes? Teenage gay falls for straight best friend and is sad because of unrequited love? Bucky was a walking cliche, he supposed.

But Steve meant so much to him that he never bothered to express his feelings, trying to stay content with a friendship with him. He was too damn important to Bucky. 

So they had been best friends and not a hint more since that fateful Fall afternoon in middle school.

It was too weird, though. Strong friendship or not, Bucky’s habitual regression, that would disgust Steve.

He’d stop hanging out with him but he’d be way too nice about it, just keep making honest-sounding excuses about why he’s too busy then just gradually stop calling or texting or coming to Bucky’s dorm for Saturday movie nights or studying with him and buying Swedish Fish because Bucky loves them and he’d leave Bucky alone and sad. Or at least, that’s what Bucky is sure will happen. Probably.

And Steve was the most important person to Bucky. His closest friend, probably (definitely) the love of his life. He couldn’t lose him.

But Bucky tells Steve everything. 

He knows about every failed test, every embarrassing Barnes family reunion, every cat he sees on the local animal shelter website that he’s _thisclose_ to adopting.

He also knows about every aspect of Bucky’s mental health.

He knows about every panic attack, every awkward conversation with his dad about how, yes, he still needs his medication, every night he feels lonely and depressed. 

Bucky just wished he could share this detail, too.

It would take a huge weight off his chest, clear his conscience, maybe even give him a friend to complain to when Scott skips class and Bucky can’t have little time that day, or maybe even a caretaker if he should be so lucky. 

He wouldn’t have to lie about what he’s been doing after an impromptu ‘regression session’ when he was meant to hang with Steve or why he waited so long to respond to a text or why he got all stutter-y and weird when Steve brings up new ways to cope with depression that he’d read about and thought would genuinely help Bucky.

But _c’est la vie_ , Bucky supposed.

―

Bucky absolutely hated his earthquake engineering professor. 

The dumb, straight out of his doctoral program, prick had been a real pain in the ass since the semester started, but now, he was somehow even worse.

He’d assigned two compositions this week, a paper last week, and there was an exam coming up despite their impossible exam just a couple weeks ago.

Bucky was currently festering in his anger while scrawling out answers to the homework assignment for that class in his and Steve’s corner of the library.

Steve would get out of his class in less than ten, so Bucky had around fifteen minutes to rehearse a perfect string of insults about Dr. Dumb Face and the shit he had to deal with in his class. 

Just as Bucky had perfected his list of jabs describing where the prof could stuff his ugly face, Steve turned the corner and sat down at their table. 

“Uh oh, what happened,” Steve asked with a knowing smirk. 

Bucky huffed and began complaining, using quite a lot of swearing and even more rude gestures as Steve watched, grinning at Bucky’s antics. 

“Hmm, so not having a good start to our week are we?” 

“No. No we are not,” Bucky rolled his eyes and pouted.

“Hmm, that sucks, I’m sorry.” 

He waited a beat. 

“What are you doing Friday?” Steve asked as he took his binder out of his backpack.

“Uh, nothing, was gonna study with a group for Mex Lit but the test was cancelled,” 

“Nice! My game just got cancelled so I’m free then. Wanna hang out at my place? End the week on a good note?” 

Steve lived in the infamous football house. It was their campus’ version of a frat because their school didn’t have Greek life. Basically all of the upperclassmen on the varsity team lived there. 

The place was filled with the world’s most stereotypical jocks and it constantly smelled like dirty laundry and old pizza. 

So, no, Bucky did not want to hang at his place.

“Yeah, no, last time we hung out there I almost fell down the stairs because I tripped on someone’s cleats. Also, it always smells like shit,”

“Fine, fine, we’ll go to yours, I just thought Scott might be annoyed that I’m always around,” Steve laughed.

“Nah, Scott loves ‘ya. Besides, he’s at a Mock Trial conference this weekend, leaves Friday morning” 

“Alright. Sounds good, then,” Steve nodded and began on his math homework.

Monday sucked but at least Bucky had Friday to look forward to.

―

By Wednesday, Bucky needed more little time.

It seemed like after Thanksgiving break, he hadn’t had any time to breathe let alone be little.

It wasn’t just the end of the semester course load that had him stressed, it was the reminder that graduation was coming fast and that he needed to get a good internship this summer and that he should earn some good money during winter break and the fact that he hadn’t seen Steve since Monday which wasn’t that long, but Bucky really needed someone to hug him and tell him that everything was gonna be okay. And Steve was a really good hugger. All those muscles had to be good for something.

He just wanted to hide under his blanket with Peaches and watch “How The Grinch Stole Christmas” while eating too many rice crispy treats.

But he had a project for his civil engineering class due tomorrow and he still needed to finish his homework for Mex Lit so he didn’t have time for a break to regress.

He grabbed his backpack and the books he’d need for the night and resigned himself to working at the library until an ungodly hour.

―

Bucky was practically buzzing in his seat.

It was Friday afternoon and Scott had left for his Mock Trial conference in Seattle early that morning, leaving him blissfully alone that weekend.

After an incredibly busy week, Bucky needed this.

His 12:15 class ended early around 1:45 and then Bucky was rushing back to his dorm, eager to finally regress and get his brain to stop running a mile a minute.

Once he got back, he made himself a pb&j and quickly put on a pair of his little pajamas. It was never too early in the day to break out a fuzzy onesie.

He felt littlespace creeping up just as he got his laptop open to his little Netflix account.

With a deep breath, he closed his eyes and let his mind be taken over by his headspace.

He lay down for a few more seconds after the transition, stretching his body and letting out a huge yawn.

Sitting up, Bucky saw the laptop screen playing a movie, “Coco,” and he giggled in delight.

He munched on the sandwich Big Bucky made for him and watched the movie, one of his all time bestest movies.

After finishing the sandwich, Bucky grabbed Peaches and Fluffy, his stuffed animal sheep, from where Big Bucky left them on the end of the bed and cuddled the two to his chest.

He watched the rest of “Coco” while explaining the important parts to Fluffy because she had never ever seen it.

After the movie, Peaches told him that she was sleepy and he figured that they all could use a nice nap so he closed the laptop and placed it very nicely onto the bookshelf because it was very special to Big Bucky and he needed to be careful with it.

Him and Peaches and Fluffy all got under his blankie, the really big one with the blue stars on it, and he closed his eyes to fall asleep.

When Bucky woke up later, he felt a little sleepy still, but his head felt much better and so did Peaches’ head, she told him so. 

He rubbed some sleep out of his eyes and thought about what to do next.

He didn’t remember the laptop password right now so he couldn’t watch another video, but that was okay because he had other games to play.

Bucky hopped off the bed and went to his little drawer.

He saw the markers that smelled like yummy fruits and got excited so he grabbed them and a piece of paper and went to sit on the rug in the middle of the room.

He colored a picture of Peaches at the park and then another picture of him and Peaches at the beach, stopping to smell every marker before he used it.

His favorite color is red because it smells the yummiest.

He colored for some time, but he didn’t really know how clocks worked as a little so he didn’t know exactly how much time he spent coloring.

When he felt he was finished, Bucky looked down at all his pictures and grabbed Fluffy and Peaches to show them, too.

As he was in the middle of showing Fluffy the picture of him at the aquarium, he heard a knock on the door.

He froze.

No one ever knocked on the door when he is playing.

Bucky could feel Big Bucky trying to come back into his head.

Big Bucky usually didn’t do that until he was sleeping.

“Hey, Bucky, can I come in?” someone called from the outside of the door.

Bucky pulled Peaches to his chest and asked her what to do.

Just as the door opened, Big Bucky came back fully and threw the stuffed animals into his laundry basket as he tried to grab the drawings before Steve saw them.

“Bucky, you ok?” Steve looked concerned.

Bucky kicked the markers under his desk and moved behind Steve to the garbage can, crumpling the pictures and dumping them there. 

“Buck, what’s up? Did you forget I was coming? I did say I was coming at six, right?” He reached toward Bucky, but the other man stepped further away, still trying to ease into his normal headspace.

“Hey, you okay?” Steve reassured soothingly, “did you have a panic attack or something?” 

Bucky tried to say something but his heart was beating crazy fast and he couldn’t get his mouth to form any words. 

Steve took a step towards him and this time Bucky let him.

“ _Stevie_ ,” he let out, soundly positively crushed. 

“Hey, you’re safe, whatever happened, you are okay now, Buck,” he opened his arms and Bucky tumbled into them, hiding his face in Steve’s shoulder as the sting of tears hit his closed eyes.

Steve held him for a couple minutes, whispering something kind every so often and rubbing gentle circles into Bucky’s back. 

Bucky let himself cry a little, still working through the panic of almost being caught.

After he felt like he could breathe normally again, Bucky started to pull back, meeting Steve’s eyes before staring at the ground.

“Sorr-”

“Nope. No, you know the rules, no apologizing for being a human who has human feelings,” Steve kindly chastised. 

Bucky let out a self-deprecating chuckle and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.

“Wanna talk about it?” Steve asked softly, still trying to make eye contact with his friend.

Bucky gulped and tried to find some excuse for the panic and the drawings and the Pikachu onesie. 

“Uhm,” he mumbled and cleared his throat, “I was just stressed, uh, then, it’s just this whole week, and, uh,” 

He gestured around himself clumsily.

Steve caught his hands in the air and squeezed them.

“You don’t have to explain, I get it, and I am so sorry you had a stressful week,” Steve looked at Bucky so open and calming, still holding Bucky’s hands in his own.

Bucky nodded and tried to quell the desire to fall back into littlespace.

Steve dropped Bucky’s hands and turned to the minifridge.

He grabbed a pint of Ben and Jerry’s fish food ice cream and two spoons.

“Alright, movie time,” he declared as he hopped onto Bucky’s bed with a smile.

Bucky grinned and climbed up beside him, eagerly grabbing a spoon and the carton as Steve played a movie. 

They took turns eating ice cream until the whole carton was finished (they felt no shame about that) as “National Treasure” played on Bucky’s laptop. 

Bucky couldn’t help but feel cared for (dare he say loved?) by Steve. 

He really needed to figure some shit out.

―

Bucky had a dream.

It was a really good one.

He was with Steve and they were happy.

He doesn’t remember what they were doing, but he knows he was little and Steve wasn’t disgusted or confused or ashamed. 

And Bucky was so so happy.

He woke up and felt the immense desire to recreate the dream, to tell Steve his secret and be accepted for that part of him.

He’d never wanted to share this with anyone so badly.

He’d always assumed it would be his own little ritual until he eventually grew out of it or gave up on it.

…

Well fuck.

―

Saturdays are for the boys.

By this, Bucky means that Saturdays are when Steve comes over after a football practice or a game and they watch chick flicks while eating sugary snacks with calorie counts in the several hundreds on Bucky’s twin-sized bed. 

But this Saturday, Bucky was freaking out.

He couldn’t get his stupid dream off his mind.

He wanted more than anything to get the secret off his chest, but he had been hiding it for so long, he doesn’t even know how he’d so about telling Steve.

Glancing at the clock, Bucky saw that he had four hours until Steve would be heading over.

Four hours to decide his course of action.

To tell or not to tell, that is the question.

He sucked in a shaky breath and tried to run through scenarios of what the conversation might look like.

How would he bring it up?

Would being in littlespace help Steve understand better?

Should he bring up the subject first and feel out Steve’s reaction and then tell him he was a little?

Bucky couldn’t focus.

Possible scenes and too many what ifs were flying around his head.

After two hours had passed and Bucky had done little more than stress about what to tell Steve, he eventually gave up.

It was too important to him to just blurt it out on a whim, putting himself on a limb with very little thought.

He sighed and grabbed his laptop, attempting to do some quick finals studying before Steve showed up.

By the time seven o’clock rolled around, Bucky had firmly resigned himself to keeping quiet about his secret.

And he felt okay about that.

Steve knocked on his door right at 7:02 and Bucky rushed up to let him in.

“Hey,” Steve smiled as he walked into the dorm, dropping a pile of snacks on Bucky’s bed.

“Hey, yourself,” Bucky replied. He grabbed his laptop and opened Netflix, quickly clicking on “How The Grinch Stole Christmas.”

“Oh, I see how it is,” Steve teased playfully, “You don’t let your dear ‘ol Stevie pick the movie,”

Bucky rolled his eyes and jumped onto the bed, clearing a spot next to him for Steve to fill.

“Yep,” he smirked at the fake pout on Steve’s face.

Steve turned off the lights and grabbed a blanket before moving to sit next to Bucky.

“Fine, you get away with it this time but only because I love this movie,”

Bucky played the film and the two spent the entire one hour and forty-four minutes stuffing Goldfish and Red Vines into their mouths as they made stupid commentary about the movie.

After the credits began to play, Steve cleared his throat and turned to Bucky, shutting the laptop as he shifted his gaze to look Bucky directly in the eyes.

“Hey, Bucky, I was wondering if you wanted to talk about last night,” he spoke gently.

Bucky sucked in a quick breath.

Yesterday, after he calmed down and Steve played “National Treasure,” Bucky curled into Steve’s side, still feeling vulnerable and kinda little. He didn’t realize it until halfway through the movie, but some time earlier he had put his thumb in his mouth and was sucking on it absentmindedly. He quickly removed his thumb and assumed Steve hadn’t seen based on the lack of commentary or playful jokes.

Bucky blushed at the memory and subconsciously tucked his thumb underneath his thigh.

“What, uh, what do you mean?” He forced himself to say.

Steve sensed how tense he was and reached out to rub one of Bucky’s shoulders.

“Just, when I came here you, you kinda freaked out, and the onesie was new and then during the movie,” he trailed off.

Bucky shut his eyes and willed himself to stay calm.

“Look, Buck, I’m not gonna make you tell me anything, but just know that I would never judge you or anything, I love you, man,” he smiled weakly with a light blush of his own.

Bucky had a big decision to make.

He had made up his mind earlier, but now Steve was here. And he seemed so supportive.

Bucky swallowed back his fear.

He opened his eyes and saw Steve looking at him without a scrap of judgement, just like he had promised.

“I am, well, there’s this thing, er-” he shut his mouth and tried to figure out the best way to tell Steve.

Steve didn’t interrupt, just brought his hand to grasp Bucky’s and began to move his thumb in a soft circle.

Bucky took another deep breath and let it out shakily. 

“I, for the past couple years, I have been dealing with my depression or just bad exhaustion by acting, well, little,” he winced and squinted his eyes, but chooses to continue. 

“I have some soft pj’s and I have stuffed animals and I like to just relax, or, or, color, or watch a movie, and it helps me calm down and stuff,”

He looks down at his hands.

Steve is still gently caressing the back of his right hand and Bucky focuses on that motion while he musters up the courage to look at Steve.

He finally shifts his eyes back up to Steve’s and is surprised to find no trace of shock or disgust on his friend’s face. 

“Are, uh, are you grossed out?” he asks hesitantly.

Steve immediately frowns and shifts closer to Bucky.

“No, Buck, of course not,” he keeps his eyes on Bucky’s relaying how serious he is. 

“Buck, I, uh, looked it up after yesterday,” he blushed, “you know, the drawings and onesie and then the thumb sucking, I, well, I googled it and found pages about that kind of stuff,”

Bucky’s eyes widened. 

Steve huffed and scratched the back of his neck.

“I read about littles and caregivers and I didn’t wanna assume anything, but I figured that you kinda fit the bill based off of what I accidentally saw yesterday,”

Bucky could not believe his fucking ears.

“Wait,” he shook his head a little bit, “so you read about littles, and you figured I was one, and that didn’t, like, freak you out?” he asked incredulously. 

“No! Buck, you do not freak me out or gross me out or anything else you might be worried about,” he squeezed the hand that was still in his grip. “Bucky, when I was reading, I realized that this is just a different form of coping for you, and of course that doesn’t disgust me,” 

Bucky felt tears prick his eyes.

His biggest secret was out in the open and the person who meant the most to him wasn’t judging him for it.

Fuck, he needs a tissue.

Steve quickly hopped off the bed and grabbed a box of Kleenex from Bucky’s desk.

_Jesus Christ, can he get more perfect?_ Bucky thought.

He climbed back up next to Bucky and handed him a tissue, smiling reassuringly at his friend.

Bucky wiped his eyes then blew his nose, handing the tissue back to Steve when he opened his hand for it.

“Buck,” he spoke softly, “do you have anything you wanna say?”

Bucky sniffled and tried to think of what he would say. ‘I am so grateful,’ ‘I love you so much,’ ‘Do you know how much this means to me?’ 

He ended up crying instead.

Steve grabbed him and pressed him against his side, tucking Bucky’s head against his shoulder and whispering soft reassurances into his ear. 

Shit, Bucky was feeling like he really needed to be little right about now.

He started rambling how happy he was and how scared he had been and how he wanted to tell Steve. It was like a floodgate was opened.

Steve just held him and rubbed his back and scratched his head and whispered that he’s sorry that this was weighing down on Bucky and that he will never be grossed out by him and that he loves him no matter what.

When Bucky felt like he could breathe properly again, he leaned his head back so he could see Steve.

“Hi,” Steve smiled at him.

“Hey,” Bucky whispered back.

“Buck, can I ask something,” 

He nodded slowly and prepared for a super embarrassing question.

Steve cleared his throat and blushed slightly.

“Do you, or have you ever, oh gosh,” he smiled self-deprecating. “I wanted to know if you’ve ever thought about having someone take care of you when you were little,” his blush grew deeper and he looked away from Bucky.

Bucky blinked.

Then he blinked again.

Did Steve mean what he thought he meant?

“I-” he swallowed a lump in his throat, “I-well, yeah. I think about it, but I only trust one person to, uhm, do that,” now it was his turn to blush. 

Steve looked back at Bucky with a question in his eyes.

“It’s you, I mean, it’s always been you” he stuttered out. 

Steve’s face broke out in a bright smile. 

“So you trust me to be your caregiver?” he asked gleefully.

Bucky smiled to himself and nodded. “Steve, I would like that a lot,” 

Steve hugged Bucky closer to him and started listing all these websites he had explored and the roles of a caregiver he read and how he was excited to finally try it out with Bucky.

Bucky looked at him astonished. 

He had expected Steve to be disgusted, or at the most, quietly supportive. Never in a million years did he think he’d get to have him as a caregiver.

Bucky could feel littlespace creeping closer.

Well, now or never, he guesses.

“Steve?” he asked softly, eager to get his approval before he drops.

Steve stopped rambling and looked down at Bucky, eyes widening as he saw that Bucky already looked younger.

“I feel close to dropping if you, uhm, wanted to try out being my Big right now?” he said meekly. 

Steve nodded, “ok, what do you want me to do?” 

Bucky directed him to his little drawer and Steve got out some fuzzy pajamas and a hoodie. Next he grabbed Peaches and smiled softly when Bucky pulled her to his chest and kissed the top of her head, already slipping into his headspace. 

“So, I am dropping fast,” Bucky said as he closed his eyes, trying to hold onto adulthood to tell Steve a couple more things, “I can eat snacks, but not too much sugar. I like to color, uhm, I might accidentally call you daddy,” he blushed at that.

Steve stood in front of Bucky on the bed and caressed his cheek.

Bucky opened his eyes and looked into Steve’s.

“Hey, that’s ok, if that’s what is comfortable for you, I’m game,” he said.

Bucky nodded shyly.

“Uhm, I like cuddles, I don’t wear, uhm, diapers, but I might talk like a baby,” he scrambled to warn Steve of anything else as he slipped fully into littlespace.

Bucky blinked fast several times and looked up at Steve who was still standing in front of the bed on which Bucky sat with Peaches.

“Hi, baby,” Steve laughed as he saw the change in Bucky’s demeanor.

Bucky blew a raspberry at him and smiled when Steve started tickling his sides in retaliation. 

When Bucky successfully pushed his hands away, Steve picked up the soft clothes.

“You want to these comfy clothes, hmm?” 

Bucky nodded quickly and started to fumble with getting his shirt off. He looked up at Steve, arms stuck halfway in the arms of the t-shirt and pouted cutely.

Steve chuckled and moved to help him change out of the shirt and into the hoodie.

“Need help with the pants, baby, or do you want to do that by yourself?” Steve asked. He didn’t get explicit consent from Big Bucky to undress/dress him so he hesitated to help the little himself.

Bucky stuck his middle and ring fingers of his left hand in his mouth and nodded.

“Hmm? Yes to help, baby?” Steve asked again.

“Yes, please,” Bucky said, taking his fingers out of his mouth for a second before immediately replacing them.

“So polite,” Steve cooed. 

He gently tugged Bucky’s jeans off and replaced them with the pj pants with Star Wars characters on them. 

“Wow, these pants are co cool!”

Bucky preened at the praise and nodded in his agreement.

“What do you wanna do, baby, wanna play or watch a show?” 

It was nearing ten and although Bucky had a lot of down time that day, he still felt really sleepy. 

“Movie?” he asked hopefully.

“Steve smiled and nodded. 

“Alright, kiddo, how ‘bout you choose something,” He opened up Bucky’s laptop and saw that Bucky had another account called “Babes” with a koala emoji next to it. He chuckled and clicked on the profile.

“Tarzan?” Bucky asked as Steve sat on the bed next to him.

“Sounds great,” Steve moved to allow Bucky to crawl into his lap and curl up against his chest.

“Comfy, baby?” he asked the little.

Bucky smiled and nodded, still sucking his two fingers.

Steve grabbed the blanket the had used before and covered Bucky with it, moving the laptop to sit on a pillow to his side, angling it so that Bucky had the optimal view.

Steve kissed the top of Bucky’s head. 

Bucky hummed and cuddled closer into Steve’s body before shifting his full attention to the screen.

By the time the movie was over, Bucky was half asleep.

He had dropped his fingers from his mouth and he was now curled around Peaches, eyes drooping like they were attempting to stay open but couldn’t help but flutter closed.

Steve shut the computer and shifted to move Bucky to a lying position on the bed.

“Night night time?” Bucky asked sleepily.

Steve smiled.

“Yeah, it’s night night time,” he brushed a strand of hair from Bucky’s forehead and started to collect his things.

“Come back later?” Bucky called from the bed where he already began to drift to sleep.

Steve walked back over and placed a soft kiss on the top of his head.

“You betcha I’ll come back later. Sweet dreams, sweetheart,” 

Bucky nodded and tried to smile but his mouth was now really heavy and so were his eyes so he closed them both and started to fall asleep.

Steve shut off the lights and walked out the door, careful to shut it slowly behind him.

Bucky hummed contently and fell fully asleep.

―

Bucky woke up more well rested that he had been in weeks, quite possibly all semester. 

He looked down and saw that he was in little clothes and that Peaches was resting on the pillow beside him, meaning he had gone to bed in his headspace.

Wait.

Oh,

Damn.

He remembered last night. 

He jumped out of bed, momentarily freaked out. Had Steve really been so accepting? Did he really drop in front of him? Holy shit.

Bucky started laughing hysterically.

He had been so fucking worried about how Steve would react that he hid this side of him. And what happened when Steve found out? He asked to be his caregiver!

He wiped a couple tears from his eyes and tried to get his breathing back under control.

Damn, he probably should have come clean earlier, this semester would have been much easier if he had Steve to care for him throughout it.

Bucky shook his head, still in disbelief at the events of yesterday night.

He walked over to his desk and saw that he had several texts from Steve.

**Steve:** [6:13 AM] _Good morning!_

**Steve:** [6:13 AM] _I have PT until 8:30 but I was wondering if you wanted to get breakfast later?_

**Steve:** [6:14 AM] _I could meet you at the caf at 9:30...they’re serving pancakes today_

Bucky smiled and glanced at the clock.

It was 9:14. Bucky was actually pretty surprised he’d gotten up before 10.

**Bucky:** [9:15 AM] _Dumb morning person who does morning things in the morning :P_

**Steve:** [9:16 AM] _Yeppp_

**Steve:** [9:16 AM] _Put some clothes on, I’ll meet you in ten._

He rolled his eyes but did as he was told, grabbing a new hoodie and jeans that didn’t smell too bad.

He fished for his vans in the back of his closet and tugged them on while he grabbed his phone.

**Bucky:** [9:19 AM] _Dressed. Meet you at caf_

**Steve: _seen_** [9:21 AM] 

Bucky grabbed his keys and wallet and headed to the cafeteria.

Once he arrived, he saw Steve sitting with two plates of pancakes and two bowls of fruit. 

“Oh, does mother hen want me to eat my fruits and veggies?” he teased as he took the seat opposite of Steve.

The other man rolled his eyes but pushed the fruit closer to him anyways.

“How’d you sleep?” he asked Bucky politely.

“Uh, that was probably the best sleep I’ve gotten in a while,” he answered truthfully.

“That’s great!” Steve beamed. “Do you, well, we should probably talk about last night?” Steve said with a more serious tone.

Bucky suddenly felt cold all over.

Fuck.

This was it.

This was when Steve would say he changed his mind and he felt wildly uncomfortable about being Bucky’s caregiver and that he thinks Bucky should stop hanging out with him so much and that this breakfast was their last time getting food together because Steve realized how much of a freak Bucky was and oh shit Bucky felt like he was gonna throw up.

“Hey, hey, Buck! Look at me,” Steve said, rushed.

Bucky moved his eyes from where they where they were staring at his pancakes to glance up at Steve’s face.

Steve reached across the table and picked up Bucky’s hands, giving them a couple tight squeezes.

“I’m not mad, or grossed out, or anything, and I didn’t have second thoughts, Buck, I just thought we should clear the air a little, talk more about boundaries if we really are gonna add these roles to our relationship,” he calmly stated while holding Bucky’s slightly shaky hands. 

Bucky swallowed. Then he took a deep breath.

“That’s it, breathe, Buck,” Steve encouraged.

Ok, so Steve isn’t ending their friendship. Steve doesn’t think he’s weird. Steve still wants to be his Big.

As Bucky calms back down, Steve looks around the quickly filling cafeteria. 

“Buck? How about we grab a to-go box and take the food back to my house? We can talk more there?” he suggests. 

Still getting his head back from the clouds, Bucky nodded absentmindedly. 

Steve took care of the food and grabbed Bucky’s arm to lead him out of the cafeteria. 

As they walked off campus to the rows of off-campus housing, Bucky relaxed fully and felt kinda embarrassed that he had freaked out so much.

Steve led him up to the apartment, pushing several pairs of muddy cleats to the side to he and Bucky could make their way to Steve’s second story bedroom.

There was a group of guys in the living room and Steve gave them a cursory wave before heading towards the staircase. 

Once they got to his room (luckily they all had their own rooms...the unequal distribution of University funds to the athletics department wasn’t necessarily cool, but it gave the football upperclassmen a giant house to themselves, so…) Steve shut and locked the door.

“Sorry, I kinda freaked,” Bucky looked down at his feet.

Steve turned from where he was putting the food down and grabbing a brown paper bag from behind his desk.

“Buck, rule number one, no apologizing for things you can’t control,” he said as he walked over to where Bucky was standing.

Bucky nodded and reached out for Steve.

Steve wrapped him in a tight hug, gave him several full-body squeezes that made Bucky giggle, and let go of him. 

“Uhm, what I mostly wanted to talk about was this,” he blushed a soft pink and grabbed the paper bag he had retrieved.

“What’s that?” Bucky asked curiously.

Steve, still sporting flushed cheeks, handed the package to Bucky with a small smile.

Bucky cocked his head to the side and took the bag from Steve. He looked inside and gasped. 

“You, wha-” he looked up at Steve with stars in his eyes, “you got this for me?” 

Steve nodded and laughed, telling Bucky to look at all the items in the bag.

Bucky pulled out three multicolored pacifiers, one with kittens, one with little suns, and the last with hearts. Next, he grabbed a sippy cup that was purple with blue stars on it. Lastly, he found one of those teething toys shaped like a ring that could be put into the freezer to cool it down.

“Steve,” he looked up at him with teary eyes.

Steve pulled him into another hug, a little longer this time.

“You’re too good to me, Steve,” Bucky sniffled.

Steve shushed him and moved so that both of them could sit on the bed. He reached over Bucky to grab the to-go boxes of their breakfast, making sure Bucky had enough breakfast.

“I had extra time after PT and, well, I was thinking about the little stuff you didn’t have and I just walked across the street to Target and got a little carried away,” 

Bucky smiled around his bite of pancake. He cleared his throat quietly after he swallowed.

“So,” he said softly, “you promise you don’t think it’s really strange that I wanna act like a kid and want you to take care of me when I’m like that?” he asks once more, just to be totally, completely, absolutely sure. 

“Buck, I’ll take you any way I can have you,” Steve responded just as quietly. 

He looked down at Bucky with an indecipherable look in his eyes.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, well, you mean so much to me, Bucky, I don’t care if you need me to be your friend, your confidant, your caregiver, I’ll do it, whatever you need, I will be that for you,”

Bucky looked at the earnest expression on Steve’s face.

“I just, Bucky, I just need you in my life, ya know? I don’t care how, I just need you,” Steve confessed. 

Bucky’s eyes widened. 

“You mean it?” he gulped.

“Yeah, course I mean it,” Steve replied while wiping a stray tear from his eye. 

“I-I need you too,” Bucky stuttered. “I need you a lot, Steve, you mean so much to me,” he shut his eyes and willed himself not to cry.

Steve placed his hand on Bucky’s cheek and slowly moved his thumb in small circles.

“I love you, Buck” Steve whispered, almost too quiet for Bucky to hear him.

Bucky didn’t open his eyes, but tears slip put anyway, streaming down his cheeks. Steve wiped them away with the hand already on his face.

“I mean it, I love you, you are amazing and so smart and so handsome and I can’t imagine my life without you in it,” Steve continued.

“I love you too, Stevie,” he said gently. “A lot, like so much,”

Bucky forced himself to open his eyes.

“Hey,” Steve breathed out.

“Hi,” Bucky said through the lump in his throat.

Steve leaned in closer. His eyes glanced down at Bucky’s lips. 

“Can I?” he asked softly?

Bucky nodded and leaned closer. 

Steve closed the space between them, kissing Bucky like he was something to worship.

He pushed away the mostly empty boxes of food and shifted his body so he was facing Bucky, all without breaking the kiss.

When Steve finally pulled back, he had a blinding smile dancing across his face.

Bucky laughed and tucked his face into Steve’s shoulder.

Steve rubbed his back and giggled along with him.

“Did you really just kiss me? Is this a dream?” he said into Steve’s skin.

“Not a dream, Buck,” Steve hummed.

Bucky quickly escaped from Steve’s grip, eyes lit up.

“Will you be by boyfriend?” he asked excitedly. 

Steve laughed. 

“Yes, _yes_ Buck, of course,” 

They kissed again, Bucky moving to sit in Steve’s lap to get closer to the man that he loved.

He straddled Steve’s hips and placed his hands on Steve’s jaw, pulling him deeper into the kiss. Steve moaned at the movement and grabbed Bucky’s hips, squeezing them intermittently.

Bucky felt Steve’s tongue press at hip lips and he graciously opened his mouth, letting Steve slowly explore his mouth.

They stayed in that position for several more minutes before Steve shifted his hands to Bucky’s ass and moved him up and off of Steve’s lap. He managed to not break the kiss as he lay Bucky down on the bed, moving to kneel over him. One of his hands held himself up on the bed while the other found purchase low on Bucky’s hip.

Bucky moved his hands to clasp around Steve’s neck. He groaned into the kiss as Steve ground his hips into his own, making his interest very known.

Steve pulled back slightly. He grabbed at his cock, slowly squeezing as he made deliberate eye contact with the man underneath him.

“Hope you weren’t planning on being little tonight,” he rasped, “because I have very _adult_ things planned,” he wiggled his eyebrows in a seemingly seductive manner.

Bucky couldn’t help but let out a sharp laugh at the terrible line.

“Steve! Baby, I love you, but that was the cheesiest thing you’ve ever said,” he smiled up at Steve, grabbing his hands and putting them back down on his chest.

Steve laughed a little himself and nodded in agreement.

“Hey, I thought it sounded cool in my head,”

Bucky rolled his eyes but pulled Steve down to continue their kiss, grinding into the bigger man in the process.

Steve smiled against Bucky’s lips.

“Eager much?” he asked playfully.

Bucky moaned and nodded, not caring if Steve was making fun of him.

He let Steve take control from that point forward, moving when Steve nudged him, moaning when Steve asked to hear him, doing whatever Steve told him to do. 

He basked in the feeling of being taken care of by the man of his dreams.

Fuck, he could really get used to this.

―

Bucky watched with curious eyes as Steve filled his new sippy cup with the chocolate milk they had bought from the supermarket on campus. He sucked happily on his paci, the super cool one with the hearts because that’s how much Daddy loves him. Bucky swung his legs excitedly, watching as Steve turned around and walked towards Bucky’s bed.

“Here, baby,” Steve brought the cup over to the little, a wide smile on his face.

Bucky opened his mouth and let his pacifier fall into Steve’s waiting hand. Then he took the sippy cup his both his hands and drank a sip of chocolate milk. 

“That yummy, sweetheart?” Steve cooed.

Bucky smiled with his mouth still around the spout of the cup and took another long sip.

Steve joined Bucky on his bed, planting a kiss on his forehead while making an exaggerated ‘mwah’ sound. 

Bucky giggled and let Steve swing his legs over the edge of the bed so that he sat fully on the bed. Bucky crawled the couple of feet to sit in Steve’s lap and cuddle his head to Steve’s chest while he drank more milk. 

Steve immediately placed a hand in Bucky’s hair, softly brushing through the long strands within his reach. He leaned down and kissed the top of Bucky’s hair once, twice, three times, before letting his forehead rest on the crown of Bucky’s head.

“I love you, baby,” he whispered.

Bucky squirmed out from under Steve’s grip and sloppily kissed Steve on his cheek.

“Love you, Daddy,” he whispered back.

Steve smiled and blew a kiss at his little.

Bucky pretended to eat said kiss, giving Steve his cutest smirk that quickly morphed into loud giggles when Steve proceeded to tickle the sass out of him.

After Bucky had sufficiently pleaded with Steve to stop the tickling, Steve leaned back onto Bucky’s bed. He pushed aside the two engineering textbooks lying on the pillow (Bucky should probably turn those back in now that finals were over) and motioned for Bucky to follow him.

Bucky crawled up to cuddle with Steve, allowing the Big to take his sippy cup and put it on the bedside table so Bucky could squeeze himself as close to Steve’s side as physically possible.

“Love you, sweet boy,” Steve hummed.

Bucky smiled into Steve’s chest and made a quiet purr of affirmation. 

Steve held Bucky against his side and slowly rubbed circles into his pj-clad back. 

Bucky closed his eyes and let the rest of the semester’s stress fade away, feeling safe and happy and oh so loved right there in Steve’s arms.

―

_fin._


End file.
